House Guest Encounters of the Slobbery Kind

One of our nurses had a bad experience the last time she boarded her dog at a kennel.  He came home dejected, malnourished, with bite wounds, an eye infection and kennel cough.  Cost her $350 and the kennel fee to get him back to normal.  His bouncy demeanor was subdued and it took him weeks to bounce back.  She was looking for other alternatives.

Since I have a 18 year old son at home with no summer job.  I thought this would be a slam dunk. Then he got jury duty.  And an attitude that he did NOT want to do this, but we were already committed.  Anyone who knows me is keenly aware that once committed, there is no other alternative.  But that's a whole nother story.

Her house is 50 miles away, so the dog had to be moved to our place.  When she said large bulldog, I was thinking 30-40 pounds English bulldog; not 85 pounds American bulldog.  We moved him crate, leash and oversized food bowl into our home.  Complete with jowls, big feet, dandruff, stink and attitude.  Dwight is a big guy with more brawn than brain, but also some interesting quirks.

Dwight - our house guest

His favorite treat is a strawberry or an ice cube.  But, freeze the strawberry IN an ice cube, BLOWS his walnut sized mind.  Has no idea what to do with it.

If he walks into the room while you are dressing, he turns his back to you to give you some privacy.  He WON'T leave, but he'll ignore you.

He doesn't bark unless he's frustrated - has wound his leash around the posts outside and can't move.  But squeaks to get attention.

Seems to recognize the theory of the word HEEL while on a leash and will think about it momentarily, then fakes complete dementia and does his own thing.

He doesn't poop while on a leash.   But won't pass any vertical pole without a through smell and watering.

Grunts while he eats his dinner.  The only way he will chill out and lay down on the ground is if you put a bare foot on his back and use him as a footstool.  The day I put lavender lotion on my feet and then put him on the floor he wrapped around them like a dinner roll and zoned out.  He was in his crate and snoring by 8pm.

The guys have been hard-pressed to spoil him, we had to give him thyroid Rx in his food, spray him down for dandruff treatment and keep him tethered outside due to a fencing issue.  Dan let him sleep on the bed for a while, so he may return home more spoiled than harmed from this venture.

I'm cured from thinking fostering dogs from the humane society would be a brilliant hobby for us.  Our house stinks like dog, our furniture is decorated with dog slobber, the floors ARE pretty clean for once, except that he likes to chew bits of wood into tiny splintery pieces.  I've decide the proceeds from boarding Dwight are going to a thorough house cleaning to rid all the dog evidence once he's gone.  Then there's the toxic waste clean up of the back yard to be dealt with as well. Gloves, boots, ventilation mask and shovel may be required.  The deal for the kid to tend to the dog for the week was that I would assume dooty duty. This kid may have a future in negotiations...