Several close pals are packing up and evacuating bedroom, boxes and bank accounts as they drop their offspring at college for the first time this year. It's a time of mixed emotions - reminiscing about their own early adulthood or college experiences, wisftulness that the kid that has been right underfoot for the last 18 years is going to be several hundred miles away connected only by text, cell phone, skype and bank transfer requests. Then there are the sleepless nights over college expenses.
As a veteran of this adventure once, and still waiting for that adventure to materialize when the determines his destiny, I have some anecdotes and bits of acquired wisdom. The first is "just wait." There will be trials and tribulations, there will be moments you want to rush in and provide maternal nurturing, adult advisory skills and parental propoganda. Just wait. They will figure out where the dining hall is... once they swallow their pride, which does not quell hunger, and muster the courage to ask someone. Just ask my sister.
This is an opportunity for you to sit back and test your parenting theories - of what you taught them well, and the basic common sense everyday skills they still need to develop. They will learn that waiting until all of their laundry is dirty makes for interesting attire choices. And find like-minded souls in the laundry room at the eleventh hour. Snacks, stain removal theories and friendships are formed and tested in that arena. There is a whole nother story to people once you've seen their underwear twirling in the dryer... And that first visit home, they will bring you dirty laundry. Sometimes you even get to pay for a second suitcase as an added bonus!
Testing the limits of each other's communication thresholds is another common area of discord. We may want a daily check-in call. They may have time and energy to do so at first, but other priorities take hold. What was once a 30-minute Sunday Skype session, soon became a quick check-in phone call mid-week when a large bill was due and is now a quick "You good?" before mom succumbs to the pillow in the evening. He knows he's thought of. If he responds within 10-30 minutes, I know he's not lying in a ditch missing vital organs on the border of Mexico somewhere - although my mind has already created that scenario in vivid detail. The use of text, skype, face time and other pocket means of communication still makes you feel as though your teen is just down the hall in his room ignoring you. Without the heady aroma of stinky socks and moldy backpack contents wafting down the hallway. Now those things are his problem. See, there are benefits.
The pets or siblings still at home, should be prepared them for some over zealous attention over the first few weeks. Our maternal natures need outlet and this is why so many moms with college students replace them with purse dogs. All the attention and none of the attitude of the missing teenager. Plus cool accessories. Our youngest quite enjoyed being an only child for the first few months. Then he realized that all of his activities that had flown under the radar were now in question, all of the household chores were now his and there was no one to blame when the last of something was eaten or used. That appeal wore thin quickly. Then he realized that with 3 "adults" in the house formalized dinners were waning and more foraging in the freezer was becoming the way of daily life. When someone bangs around in the kitchen, he pops his head in to see what might be emerging before returning to endless hours on the computer with other college orphans.
The good news is four years will pass quickly, academic and life lessons will be learned, friendships to last a lifetime will be formed, holiday visits will be more precious and some spoiling will occur. Won't hurt anything. When I pick up a returning mom at the airport tonight, not sure if she'll need Kleenex or just a kindred spirit to welcome her home, but both will be at the ready.
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