Tourist Traipsings

Ever notice that some things seem better in concept than in reality?  All native Washingtonians raves about the little Bavarian town of Leavenworth and persists, "You just HAVE to experience the tree lighting festival during Christmas.”  People have visions of taking a scenic train ride through the woods and landscape while sipping hot cocoa and being entertained.  Then wandering through pastel frosted storefronts and boutiques filled with quaint souvenirs, memorable artwork, specialty food  and wine to mark the time they spent oohing and ahhing at the mesmerizing light display like a snow globe frieze.

The ideal way to experience this adventure would be to arrive in Leavenworth via Amtrak’s earliest no frills train on a Friday and explore the town at your leisure.  On Saturday, wander through town before the tour buses arrive at 11am, have a leisurely brunch, nap in your room, swim, take a sauna or spa trip, and find a nice window seat overlooking the square and a good book or board game and state your spot until 4:30, when the 30-minute light display takes place culminating in a twinkling forest and town square.  Then adjourn to your prearranged room (reserved a year in advance), for a cozy sleep and meander back home by train.

Our first venture into the experience was to realize that bus tour is the only way to go unless you plan in March to take the train.  Buses leave by 8 am for a 3 hour drive to the Bavarian berg of Leavenworth.  Swag is a plastic wrapped pastry, a map and program of performers for the day, a 1/2 pint bottle of water, because there is only one potty on the bus.  Unless there is snow and traction tires required, and traffic, which extends your trip TO the town; but keeps you on the same return schedule… thus cutting 1.5 hours off your town time.  THEN, realize that along with your own charter bus, there are 150+ other tour buses with double the amount of private vehicles – all trying to get to the same 5 mile wide town… and parking areas.  The quaint stores and restaurants have a capacity of 50-100 maximum, so lines to ingress and egress take up more of your excursion time. The "festival special" prices for fine imported European goods – which you can easily find online… coupled with trying to shop while herded like cattle makes retail therapy more like shock treatment.  

Deciding to feast on some genuine Bavarian wurst, baked goods, beer or pretzels also brings with it a line time commitment.  Finding an indoor espresso stand that not only served food, but also WARM alcoholic drinks was a godsend – and we hit it just before it was discovered by the masses sharing a small table with a couple with two service dogs who were very interested in our sandwiches. Lunch for $33 for 2 seems a bargain when you factor in a window seat and opportunity to be warm and out of the elements.

It should also be mentioned that even though Santa Claus makes an appearance, this is not a CHILD-FRIENDLY event.  There are places to sled and for snow play, but nowhere indoors to dry out easily.  AND public bathrooms are few and far between, with lines.  There are very few places to get out of the weather with children and the only children I saw who were not melting down, uncomfortably wet and cold were those worn in front packs or stacked like firewood into toboggans – the middle kids were smiley and waving.  Not the ones on either end keeping the middle one warm.  Even the tasting rooms, do not extend their warmth to children unless babes in arms. 

The cruel irony of seeing Santa and Ms. Claus swarmed with a two block line for a meeting while St. Nicholas wandered the streets virtually unnoticed was not lost on this observer.  The world culture beyond the Coca Cola icon doesn’t exist for most children.  The advent calendars, pink and purple candle wreaths and nativity creches are far in the back of most stores catering to sports fans and trinket searchers.  And the beauty of the artwork in these creations is lost on those searching for the perfect Disney princess ornament.

The decision to attend with a pal was motivated by a partner who hates crowds, cold and excessive cost.  The holiday feeling had yet to arrive and I thought just being in the proximity of seasonal decor might do the trick. While we had a grand old time in fleeting moments, we devised a better way to enjoy it in the future and realized that our desire to travel together requires significant research and more snacks  We also realized that if one invests in resources to keep warm, almost anything is enjoyable.  Bucket list checked, rechecked and our next trip will be richer for the reconnaissance.

Favorite landmark of the day...

Under Cover for Peace and Unity

Recently ugly, racist and unkind behaviors have become the norm. Not in my America. I am contemplating how to show solidarity for women of other cultures.  Women who wear scarves are being targeted due to their clothing that reflects their modesty, religious or cultural orientation.  My first thought was to learn more about head scarves - the hijab - worn by Muslim women.  Anyone who knows me, knows that my hair is a bit of a source of vanity and I spend a good deal of time and cash on its color and style maintenance.  I thought the exercise might be a good spiritual journey as well as showing solidarity for others.  

Finding products and videos that illustrate effective ways to tie and assemble the hijab was easy.  Putting that knowledge into practice towards some form of fashion that wouldn’t insult the culture I was trying to honor was quite another thing altogether. 

Scarf would slip one way, the knot another and I looked like I was being attacked by a silky monster. Found a nylon balaclava from some go-karting that we did with the boys in the past.  A second try included wearing that underneath the scarf to prevent fabric slippage.  That was going to cause overheating – a concept I hadn’t considered when looking at this option. It wasn’t going to be a tribute, it was going to be “Look at that poor lady who has had chemo with no fashion sense.”

Next issue is, what to say if someone asks if I wear the scarf for religious reasons. I would need inspiration and time to perfect the delivery of the question, “Why do you want to know?”  Any response other than something that shares culture, educates or spreads goodwill would not serve my purpose where my usual tendency towards a snappy comeback would suffice.   

How will I handle hostility directed at a Muslim when I do not identify as Muslim, but am wearing head gear to protest hostility aimed at their group?

How far am I willing to go to redirect that attention from a negative experience to make people reconsider that their insults and hatred might just show their own ignorance and racist tendencies?

What caused this shift?  Last week while driving to work a young family was walking on Pacific Highway near my home to a bus stop – parents and three young girls, all respectably dressed, mom was VERY pregnant.  Dad was wearing a prayer cap, mom was wearing a full length long sleeved gown and head scarf.  Girls were all wearing pants under their dresses and jackets as it was cold.  As they stood on a corner preparing to cross the street, a driver threw garbage out of his car window at them as he turned right sharply right in front of them.  I did not hear his verbal barrage.  I was so shocked, I did not act.  That won’t happen again.

How far am I willing to step outside of white privilege to make a point that racism, xenophobia and religious persecution exist right on the streets where I live and work?   

Will it be safe to do so?    

Will it achieve the desired outcome of confronting those who think this behavior is condoned and now the norm in America? 

Going undercover to find out may be a bigger commitment than I am ready for, but if I do it just once, it will require courage, strength, wisdom and gain new perspective.

Intergenerational Cross-Pollination

One aspect of education and elder care of particular interest is the trend of inter-generational learning and living.  As families are delayed due to educational and career goals, or live apart from extended family members, the opportunity to interact with grandparents on a regular basis also diminishes.

Physical, mental, social and emotional benefits are documented on both sides of the age bracket in those who are involved in these opportunities.  Elders afflicted with Alzheimer's draw on past child nurturing skills to relate to an infant again and find long hidden skills that still exist.  Children developing new patterns of speech share the same obstacles as folks relearning speech after strokes. Their shared experiences and developing trust with each other trains children not to be fearful of differently abled persons, aging and even death.

In the course of researching the to illustrate and documented benefits, I stumbled on co-housing.  A collective group of individuals sharing living space so that as the adults age in place, resources and relationships are already established to delay or eliminate the need to transition to nurisng home or elder care.  Young families are enriched with the presence of elder perspective, insight and sharing crafts and hobbies of previous generations. Child care in exchange for meal preparation, the possibilities for bartering levels of care abound.

Golden Girls episodes of my formative years came to mind with a same-sex couple raising their family across the courtyard and more folks from all walks of life and cultures rounding out the melting potluck.  The blessing of growing up less than three miles from my maternal grandparents is one of the highlights of my youth.  Whether involved in church projects, craft projects, house keeping or bookkeeping for their auto repair business, we were always welcome in their home.  Our grandfather was a mechanic and took each of the grandchildren fishing - or as we called it, eating snacks in the rowboat on a lake. After his death, our grandmother excelled in all the right ways indulging our passions, teaching sewing and sponsoring craft projects, making costumes, teaching the value of elbow grease and sharing cooking expertise. She had the opportunity to love and enjoy her two great grandsons for five and eight years spending much time on hands and knees playing Hot Wheels.  When she died after spending much time entertaining my young sons and we were choosing remembrances, I chose her cookie jar and cast iron pot for spaghetti. 

Daycare for my nephew is provided by his maternal grandparents twice a week.  The constant interaction in his development and daily care has created a bond and connection that matters to his social experiences.  It provides my parents with structure in their retirement, a schedule to adhere to and purpose, which is important at any age and stage in development.  The second nephew will be emerging any day and while they consider whether they are too old to maintain the pace of a preschooler and an infant, the draw of seeing those important milestones will keep them in yoga class maintaining flexibility to lift those hefty bundles and rise from floor play for another Ring Around the Rosie before all fall down for a nap.

Even today, many of my richest friendships are with women 10-35 years my senior.  They offer a sense of life with no filters, no presumption and a level of honesty that women my own age long for but can't yet achieve.  These are the ladies I want to be when I grow up.  And these are the types of programs I want to see integrated in senior housing when I get there.  Be the change you want to see in the world was never more real than it is right now.  Today, don't put it off.  Research how to make a small step in the right direction.  You don't have to embrace the values of those in power - rebel, revolt and make your own reality. Can I integrate one or both of these concepts in the retirement community in which I work?  Hard to tell, but I know who to talk to to raise awareness that it is working in other areas and contacts for each step of the way to bring it to fruition.  Someone somewhere had the vision to bring hospice care to the residents and we are darn close to accepting our first patients and gathering our team to provide compassionate care to families at end of life. 

Providence Mt. St. Vincent -  the nursing home with a preschool at heart - 
http://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2016/01/the-preschool-inside-a-nursing-home/424827/

Intergenerational housing article:
http://www.aarp.org/home-garden/housing/info-03-2011/intergenerational-cohousing-for-all-ages.html

Is our Election Process a Broken Rube Goldberg Machine?

Remember making a Rube Goldberg device in middle school?  Hated that assignment, when the boys had it...

Remember the commercial from a few years back where car parts essentially assemble themselves? Mesmerizing and admirable in its precision... which is why I posted above.  One, it goes with the whirlygig theme and is oddly transfixing and meditative, and two, it illustrates an interesting point about elections.  Our vote, as we have seen recently, doesn't elect the president, but directs our electoral college vote to that 270 majority needed to win.  Third party voters and write-in candidates may have seen their vote as a mandate to elect anyone but the two main candidates, when in reality, it did nothing to prevent the travesty of a Trump presidency - heretofore referred to as TP for the amusement with a 12 year old level of scatological humor. But that's a whole nother story.

A Rube Goldberg machine is a contraption that through a series calculated events, movements and orchestrations achieves a goal at the end of the process, not unlike the election process.  The popular vote is supposed to cast the electoral vote in the direction of the candidate to gain a majority of 270 votes in the electoral college.  When we lose sight of that goal, it's just a Rube Goldberg machine that didn't hit the mark, or the marbles spilled, the dominoes were not aligned or the fire didn't burn through the rope to release the pulley.

The electoral college was established to ensure that votes from states with greater population did not hold more weight than votes from lesser populated areas.  Electoral votes are determined by how many representatives we have in Congress and the Senate.  Has this approach outlived its usefulness?  Is it time to do away with the electoral college and develop a better system. There are numerous opinions and reasons for each side; but not until we have a suitable replacement.  Same with Obama care.  Is it perfect, no.  Should it be repealed and abolished?  Not until we have a better workable solution to put in place.  Reinventing the wheel has no place in politics or health care.

So, the question remains, where do we go from here?  Would Canada or Mexico annex WA, OR and CA as New Canada/Northern Mexico?  Should we secede and form our own union? What do we call it Caloreton?  Washregfornia? Orlifton?   Do we invite Bernie Sanders to lead us and each send 5 representatives for legislative body?  The advantage would be we have coastal access, legalized weed and same sex marriage.  The down side is we have TP for a neighbor.  Build another wall?  What people don't realize about a wall is that it impedes relationships, exchange of goods and services and all that is walled in may not all be good; all that is walled out may not be all bad.  Long story short, USA would be a better ally than enemy.  We have a few months to develop coping skills and tons of jokes.

To go in another direction, on the plus side, Faux news will have fodder to report EVERY GIVEN DAY of the next 3 months; the next 4 years and beyond.  For those that thrive on that kind of journalism, you have the full smorgasboard coming 24/7.  I'm using my cable to tune in to the Daily Show on a more regular basis.The plan to use military to support and reinforce our decaying infrastructure at home a point I can support.  If road crews were integrated with military forces to complete projects - in no way would it take 4 months to complete simple route revisions. 

Many who are shattered, chagrined and disgruntled at the result are committing to assisting immigrants through the legal channels to remain in the US in the interim.  Contributions to Planned Parenthood are on the rise and the call to build trust, care and console each other to brace for what is to come is strong.  The destructive behaviors, hate, racism and division of the past 16 months can't be undone, repaired or retracted.  Those holes remain, but what we do with that knowledge can be our balm, our mantra, our pledge to support and uphold the Constitution of the United States against whose who might not hold that goal quite so much in priority to their own agendas.

Did you see how hard 8 years weathered and aged Obama?  He's a relatively fit guy who gave up smoking to better be fit to serve on a daily basis.  How is Mr. Cheeto going to weather the stress of the oval office?  Judging BMI and skin tone alone, the outlook doesn't bode well.  So essentially we are one blocked artery away from a Pence presidency, and that, my friends is truly a whole nother story.

If interested in researching the move to disband the electoral college:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/11/9/1594792/-The-surprisingly-realistic-path-to-eliminating-the-Electoral-College-by-2020

HR Incentivizing - Hookers and Blow?

Last week I received an invitation to a meeting by our HR department.  Nope, it wasn't that kind of a meeting and I didn't have to fill a jar.  Which is a good thing since I live in Washington.  But a whole nother story.

This email was inviting employees from every decade and demographic to a meeting about how our company should be incentivizing employees for longevity and superior service.  Utilizing Massey's value development theory that what motivates each generation is vastly different things. The objective of the meeting is to have each demographic team come up with three things that would motivate their team to excel at work.  And for this opportunity we'll be away from our desks two hours mid-morning and spend the rest of the day in a furious attempt to catch up on the amassed voice mails, emails and tasks.

What's wrong with the old model called salary or "We show up, work and you pay us?"
I'm a simple girl.  Keep it simple and don't make me do dog and pony shows. My first thought was,
"How do I get out of this gig?"  Then, I remembered what my spouse with an eternally 12yo mentality would say, "Hookers and Blow!"  That should do it!  Might be a career limiting move; but would also get people talking about the subject with other employees and get some push behind the campaign.

Could you imagine the level of productivity of employees motivated by hookers and blow?  Endless work shifts followed by a "8 seconds at the Mustang Ranch". The cost in L&I might make a dent in profits, but the new business partners and clientele would surely work out the kinks.

Since I've worked for companies who tried bad ideas for work rewards, I have some experience with the lamest of morale-building ideas.

Employee engagement activities - where people who don't like each other and don't want to be social are forced after hours to be with people they don't like and be social or even competitive. Agony.

The raffle ticket game where people go the extra mile in ways they should but normally don't all for a paper raffle ticket.  "I put my wrapper in the garbage, give me a ticket."

Fake moola to purchase company swag.  Eh, wrong, especially since company swag had the name of a funeral home on it.

Wellness bucks to buy products at discount when I worked for a sporting goods retailer.  Completely waterproof head to toe including undergarments in 14 months.

Writing SMILE notes to one another for team points for giving or receiving.  So eventually notes become "Thanks! For Making Our Team Great! from someone who is not even on your team...

Earning points on a competitive on the wall graph... where everyone can witness your underachievement and lack of giving any 1/2 of any expletive.

Then, wouldn't you know I'd get an idea I just couldn't get rid of about this concept.
There is a fish market right down the street from work and fish restaurants all up and down our community. Hookers...
Fish and chips gift cards - with a vegan option
Promotional swag with velcro attaching the ends.
Fly fishing expedition for sports enthusiasts or fly tying class for artsy folks.

Blow could entail any number of blowing activities that could build some kid-like fun into the day.
Bubbles on the campus in spring would be enlightening.
Chewing gum puts a little flavor in your day.
Slide whistle could go in the office emergency kit.
Punching balloons, beach balls, pool toys, sex toys... but I digress...

Then I realized that the company I work for is never going to even consider this avenue:
Because, 1) I work in a retirement community, so the residents might not respond well to a campaign to reward employees with vices, nor visits from the vice squad.
2) We manage home health and hospice, so the concept of drugs and illicit sex wouldn't fly.
And, most importantly,
3) It is run by a conservative religious organization.  So take my fabulous idea and run with it, HR departments of depraved, profit-mongering caverns of mind-sucking boredom.  I've been in a few of those myself and the urge to cut off your wrist to escape passes after a bump in SSRIs or 4 years of therapy.

I'll be writing my next blog with a Troll doll with a #2 lead pencil up its posterior, that I got saving paper clips for 8 months to make a long enough chain...

Toes in the Sand - Sands through the Glass

Last week marked the passing of the first 49 years of life, and it was spent with three fabulous women, in a relaxing beach house sharing time and stories and bonding in ways only we could understand.  The  decision was made that each and every birthday from here on out requires having my toes in the sand somewhere in the world... even if it is just the beach down the street on Puget Sound... which will be decidedly chilly in early Fall, but that's a whole nother story.  Note there is no vow to do a polar plunge each year.  That will be the litmus test to know when my marbles have truly been lost.

Reflections on what has been accomplished and what still remains on the bucket list to achieve in the next productive period of life.  The boys have been raised to adulthood with only minor mishaps and seem not to require the intercession of psychotherapists at this juncture. The objectives of life, love and independence boxes have been checked.  Improving health, fitness and stamina are still on the horizon and hopefully more successful strides will be made there in the coming months.  Most importantly, relationships with all generations have been mended, maintained and strengthened.

Realizing that few regrets come with the advancement of years is a source of an AHA! moment.  Why is is that we always feel we are colossally failing at life?  Then we step back and look at our vast accomplishments and think - "Hey, I managed to do all that?"  At 19, we were sure of what our life would entail - frame, fortune, fast cars and world travel.  Mr. M would be encountered in the next year, and that would affect some major details.  If able to fast-forward to tonight on my couch, I probably wouldn't have been vastly disappointed but it would have been a reality check, and some surprise to see the guy in the recliner across from me was not the heartthrob of the moment...and might have given cause to adjust my target audience, cast the net wider... to deeper gene pools.

Reading lots of parenting books while the boys were gestating - because there is no time after they emerge -- the long term goal at that juncture was for them to always feel safe, wanted and loved.  Sending them to school early years, they exited the van with a wish to "grow in body, mind and spirit today".  As they advanced in age, the optimistic goal with teens was to be open enough with them that we could always maintain a close relationship where we could talk about anything.  Some topics were more comfortable than others, but were comforting that we were talking among ourselves and resolving misunderstandings about life and other mysteries.Getting to adulthood still liking each other's company, basically.  Even with Joe moved out of state, we maintain a level of communication with texting that means we can touch base as often as needed without feeling that he is over 800 miles away and not just down the hall.

Adapting to 49 is not requiring the level of adjustment  as once thought.  Mostly because once again overwhelmed with the commitments of life, work and church at the moment.   It's manageable to step back, make lists and focus on one step at a time, one day at a time and sometimes as little as one minute at a time.  Reflecting on what needs to be phased out of the commitment merry go round in order to make space for other hopes, desires and opportunities is an ongoing personal goal.  Family, friends and faith are non-negotiable, but for everything there is a season.  The concept of holding space is worth further exploration.

Riding Around the Sun...

Writing the blog early this week because Thursday night will be spent on a cozy couch in a house by the beach soaking up cocktails, conversation and comfort with some pals celebrating 49 trips around the sun.  Reprising the slumber parties of youth in a better locale and with more mature libations and snacks, if you will.

Decided to fully embrace the 49 instead of fighting it.  Goal for the last three years has been to improve overall health and wellness to be better at 50 than at 45.  And now the rubber hits the road... because not much progress has occurred at this point.  Plan to stick to three tenets of wellness.
1 - Practice saying NO when saying YES would compromise time, energy or stress level. 
Which means WHEN I say YES, and brings me to
2 - Fully embrace the YES opportunities - be fully present and mindfully participating in the full experience.  Mainly undisturbed by small screen use or other disruptive diversions and,
3 - Retain the option to change my mind.  No is more easily changed to Yes than Yes is changed to No.

Among the few things learned in 49 travels round the sun is that at the end of life people don't care what they have acquired, but retain the experiences, the relationships and the legacy they leave for others.  The impact made in our brief time as a star in the universe before our light fades.  No one is going to care about our net worth.  Everyone is going to care about how you made them feel when you spent time together. Make an impression in the life of a child, or ten, or twenty, or a thousand.  Your self-worth will grow exponentially.  Start with just waving at a child in the car next to you.  The smile earned as a reward will buoy the spirit often during the day, recalling its glow.

Stop and truly listen to an elderly person.  Compliment them on an aspect of their or ask the story of a piece of jewelry.  Memories of long ago cause a release of mood elevating chemicals which can be beneficial to the heart, mind and spirit of the elderly.  And having just one person interact in an otherwise very long and lonely day can have lasting effects.

The more you can do, the more you can; DO.  When sedentary most of the day, every effort to move causes pain and stiffness takes a while to shake off.  When in consistent motion, it is easier to keep walking to witness natural beauty, or follow the sound of a bird call, or look for a treasure in a garden, on a beach or a new bloom.  People we serve in home health have to struggle just to leave the confines of their homes and engage in the world.  Engage in the world, bring back common courtesy and manners. 

Why does someone have to be declared the winner in last night's debate?   The purpose of debate is to hear what the opposing candidates stand for and what their positions are on a variety of subjects.  Apparently, they stand for interruptions and half-truths.  This political climate of conflict and discord is flowing into everyday life.  Courtesies are not so common.  Care for the greater good is giving way to only caring for oneself.  Inclining to vote for the candidate that will do the least damage.  Not a great choice.

Favorite words of mine are opportunity, destiny and gratitude.  Without one, the others do not exist.  Think about it. Any opportunity can bring you to destiny for which to express gratitude. What are your three favorite words and what do they say about you?  My wish when blowing out the candles is... a whole nother story...

Too Many Irons in the Fire... What's one more?

So this weekend started much like any other, with a full laundry list of what needed to be done and a list of assignments.  Outside of the cooking, cleaning and controlling static - we have a back fence to replace. Several tasks connected to a retreat planed for next month including several time-consuming crafty endeavors - mine.  An excursion to the local university with several pals from high school for our son, and we were all to rendezvous at 1600 to determine dinner plans.

The team for the fence demo and reconstruction -- Mr. M and our neighbor who works at this sort of task as his vocation -- presumed to think that they would have this task done and in the bag in a half day.  The fence panels were removed and when the fence posts were examined, they were found to be set in a 2x2 block of cement counter sunk into the bulkhead. Trip to the hardware store for more tools, more parts and finally a jack hammer.  Four hours later, two fence posts removed and replaced.  Progress limited due to lack of daylight.

Kid goes to large area university for some social engagement.  While walking on campus, he tried to retrieve two empty water bottles from a large, deep fountain.  In the process lost his car key electronic fob and phone charger.  With no long means to retrieve the keys, he texts mom for suggestions - no answer.  Calls dad - who is busy demoing fence - no answer.  He and a maintenance worker devise a tool of MacGyver inspiration and manage to retrieve the keys but not the charger.  They took his name to return it when they drain the fountain every other year...

Errand list was short to begin with for mom; but was finally completed at 9pm with a grocery run.  After morning meeting, pal breakfast, manicure/pedicure appointment and 4  more errands.  Culminating in a gift run to jewelry store.  While there, I asked to have my wedding ring cleaned.  Upon inspection, the diamond was found to be chipped in 2-3 places and two prongs damaged.  The warranty expired, and diamond would need to be replaced, before the prong could be repaired.  And what is the cost for that?  Minorly unreasonable, cost to upgrade from 1/4 to 1/3 carat diamond? Just $72 more.  Go big or go home.

Back home to the next task of reassembling broken clay pots to illustrate a talk addressing retreat attendees.  It seemed like such a brilliant idea in theory.  The reality of gluing broken pots is that one piece at a time has to be held in place and dry overnight.  Three days later, three pots are completed.

Helping move tools and supplies inside from the fence project for the night with the ready assistance of the neighbors 80# dog barking at our heels.  It seems that more soda and beer was consumed than fence was constructed, but I digress.

A glance in the fridge reveals that there are slim pickings and a grocery run is in order.  The brain power to compile a grocery list and complete the trip was assisted by the teen son or would not have happened. We made a deal to put away only the fridge and freezer items and let the rest hold until the morning.  Dinner was a haphazard plan of grazing, take out and snacks.  But we're all still standing, with no lasting injuries and a plan of attack for Sunday... as long as we break at 1:00pm for Seahawks football.

MENstrual Cramping Our Style

Have you read the text thread between a mom and her 13yo daughter about trying to locate feminine products aisle in a large superstore at midnight?  Ever been there?   I know I have.  Under PMS brain, usually accompanied by a raging headache and cramps, you are out in public in the darkest, baggiest pants you own wandering the aisles looking for something to staunch the flow.  

You look in the diaper section, near the Depends, in the lube and condom aisle, by the pregnancy tests, in the toilet paper and facial tissue aisle – only to find them with the shampoo or among the baby food. In a store with any sense of logic, it would be chocolate, ice cream, pain relievers, and feminine hygiene products THEN pregnancy tests.  Because if you all of the sudden realize you haven’t needed the first half of the aisle in a fair bit of time, the second half  is the logical next step.  

The condoms and lube should be at the very end of that aisle, so that men get over their hang-ups and acclimate to the concept of one day purchasing feminine hygiene products for a woman they love, so that she can remain in the comfort of home suffering from her menstrual sentence.  If they know what's good for them, they should also bring a trashy magazine and something from the PMS food group - chocolate.  This would serve to remind them that even if they are getting lucky now, in a few weeks they need to pay tribute. Why do men even have a place in THAT word - menstrual?  If we lived in a matriarchal society, it would be named something positive and grand like biological cleansing, womenstruation or life flow. 

The banter and militant feminism exhibited in the text reminded me of some interesting anecdotes from my past.  When my mom realized I was dabbling in premarital sex (with the only guy I’ve been with in 30 years, I might add…) she marched me down to the local drug store’s pregnancy prevention display and proceeded to explain each and every products use and mechanics so I could make an informed decision to prevent an unwanted development until I was ready to support children.  She didn’t seem to notice that an elderly gentleman in the aisle with us seemed to be getting his jollies while listening to her educational speech on spermicides and sponges. Ten years later, when I had a 2.5 year old and she saw a pregnancy test in my grocery bags, the stunned glance from the toddler to my abdomen spoke volumes. But that's a whole nother story...

With an 8 year span between my sister and me, I was in my early 20 and dating the man I eventually married. We went grocery shopping with my sister, then in her teens. Not only did my boyfriend walk down the feminine product aisle, he noticed that my preferred brand was on sale and picked up two boxes.  My sister could have fainted.  Our dad refused to walk down that aisle of the store for years and would always send one of us to retrieve “the lady products” when KOTEX appeared on the grocery list.  This became the litmus test for her own boyfriends and potential spouses.  

 

After 2-3 years of throwing away pants, panties and taking towels with me in the car and to visit others homes due to hemorrhagic cycles, I had an endometrial ablation.  And WELCOME to menopause… you can wear white pants, but you’re going to sweat through them…  not all the cause for celebration one would think.  Between the night sweats, the hot flashes, weight gain, skin issues and mood swings; if your white pants still fit after all that, wear the F*** out of them.

Our boys were very young when my system stopped requiring “monthly lube and oil changes”. They thought tampons were fun to launch through the house.  We used them on occasion for nose bleeds in karate tournaments. Maxi pads were kept in our Cub Scout first aid kit to staunch the flow in the event of a severed artery.  But for the most part, their experience with feminine products was a thing of the distant past.  Then the puberty talks in junior high reared the ugly subject again.  “Mom, why don’t we have tampons or maxi pads in our house?”  “I don’t need them anymore.   I keep 3 in the bathroom cabinet in case your guests need any.  Can I show you where?”  Once they knew that they were for female guests and were no longer play things, the discussion stopped.  They were just getting bombarded by the puberty subject – menopause was something way beyond their security level.  

When we shop in drug stores, my sons’ comments, “How do you choose from the plethora of options in the fem hygiene aisle?  A whole wall!  It looks overwhelming.”  It is.  There is a video that gives men the opportunity to experience an “overflow day” and their sense of empathy is much different after having that experience.  They are far more compassionate and grateful that their anatomy doesn’t just inexplicably bleed for any length of time.  If men had periods, they’d be called something fantabulous.  Art would abound glorifying its power.  They would compare volume, color, stench and saturation rates.  It would become a competitive sport more than likely.

In a matriarchal society, red would be a badge of courage.  Red would be powerful.  Red would be a symbol of fertility, maturity and a force to be reckoned with.  It wouldn’t be a taboo, an embarrassment, hidden, spoken of in whispers and euphemisms.  Embrace the power.   You might as well have a handful of Oreos, a dose of ibuprofen and a soda, while you are at it.  Won’t menopause be great?

Link to the text thread I mentioned in opening:

http://www.refinery29.com/2016/09/123057/mom-daughter-tampon-shopping-text-messages