Last week marked the passing of the first 49 years of life, and it was spent with three fabulous women, in a relaxing beach house sharing time and stories and bonding in ways only we could understand. The decision was made that each and every birthday from here on out requires having my toes in the sand somewhere in the world... even if it is just the beach down the street on Puget Sound... which will be decidedly chilly in early Fall, but that's a whole nother story. Note there is no vow to do a polar plunge each year. That will be the litmus test to know when my marbles have truly been lost.
Reflections on what has been accomplished and what still remains on the bucket list to achieve in the next productive period of life. The boys have been raised to adulthood with only minor mishaps and seem not to require the intercession of psychotherapists at this juncture. The objectives of life, love and independence boxes have been checked. Improving health, fitness and stamina are still on the horizon and hopefully more successful strides will be made there in the coming months. Most importantly, relationships with all generations have been mended, maintained and strengthened.
Realizing that few regrets come with the advancement of years is a source of an AHA! moment. Why is is that we always feel we are colossally failing at life? Then we step back and look at our vast accomplishments and think - "Hey, I managed to do all that?" At 19, we were sure of what our life would entail - frame, fortune, fast cars and world travel. Mr. M would be encountered in the next year, and that would affect some major details. If able to fast-forward to tonight on my couch, I probably wouldn't have been vastly disappointed but it would have been a reality check, and some surprise to see the guy in the recliner across from me was not the heartthrob of the moment...and might have given cause to adjust my target audience, cast the net wider... to deeper gene pools.
Reading lots of parenting books while the boys were gestating - because there is no time after they emerge -- the long term goal at that juncture was for them to always feel safe, wanted and loved. Sending them to school early years, they exited the van with a wish to "grow in body, mind and spirit today". As they advanced in age, the optimistic goal with teens was to be open enough with them that we could always maintain a close relationship where we could talk about anything. Some topics were more comfortable than others, but were comforting that we were talking among ourselves and resolving misunderstandings about life and other mysteries.Getting to adulthood still liking each other's company, basically. Even with Joe moved out of state, we maintain a level of communication with texting that means we can touch base as often as needed without feeling that he is over 800 miles away and not just down the hall.
Adapting to 49 is not requiring the level of adjustment as once thought. Mostly because once again overwhelmed with the commitments of life, work and church at the moment. It's manageable to step back, make lists and focus on one step at a time, one day at a time and sometimes as little as one minute at a time. Reflecting on what needs to be phased out of the commitment merry go round in order to make space for other hopes, desires and opportunities is an ongoing personal goal. Family, friends and faith are non-negotiable, but for everything there is a season. The concept of holding space is worth further exploration.
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