No More Adulting For Me Today

Remember how anxious we were to become adults?  Now that we're here, it’s really no picnic.  We have responsibilities as far as the to do list can reach, we take on more commitments than we can reasonably balance and then we get out of sorts when we don’t have time or energy for the things that truly energize our souls and spirit.

Recently, the trend has been revealed that childlike activities – drawing, adult-oriented risqué coloring books, exercise based on child’s play are all now touted to be better for us than complex intense gym routines, yoga and relaxation focused activities.  How did we occupy our time as children?  Played outside at made-up games and ran all over playground equipment from dawn til dusk.  We discovered things of wonder in our everyday experience – How far do dandelion seeds fly on the air when you blow on them?  What is inside this seed pod I found on the sidewalk?  What is inside this dead bird - eww, I don't have THAT much wonder.  Our sense of wonder has escaped as our have-tos grew. Our attention wasn't captivated 24/7 by a 3.5 - 7" video screen.

My office mate’s most common whine is “I just can’t adult today.”  She is all of 28, so hasn’t truly been adulting for all that long, just between us.  But I get her jist, sometimes the compulsion to remember all of the tasks and complete the checklist for home, work, social, economic and self-care is just too daunting.  If I had to map all of the things going on in my head on a daily basis…, it wouldn’t be as pretty as the Sistine Chapel ceiling, but it would take about that much real estate.  I do not have an 8.5"x11" sized mind or life.

While reading an article about a set of exercises intended to raise one’s flexibility, strength and stability, many of the exercises were based on child’s play.  Paleolithic chair – the way a baby squats with buttocks against calves to play with something on the floor.  That takes a great concentration of all three feats. The Happy baby move involves pulling knees to chest while lying on your back and reaching for the outside soles of your feet.  Yeah, that’s a progressive process here.  I sense another Bird pose incident.  Is it still exercise if you require assistance to regain an upright vertical position without the assistance of medical aid units?  We’ll see.  There are the few rights and privileges afforded if one is willing to adult - cocktails and adult relations, to name the top two, but the preparation for and consequences of both tend to sometimes outweigh the benefits.  But that's a whole nother story.

This morning I started with the easy thing – coloring in an intricate design with twist up colored pencils.  Crayola has really evolved.  There is still nothing like the sheer joy of opening a fresh box of crayons and markers.  Remember that electrifying feeling before half the markers got lost, dried out or the crayons were broken.  I got really into peeling all the paper off my crayons half way through the year and shading with them sideways to make me feel very Cezanne, or is it Matisse?

Must say that after the hand cramps from coloring subsided – may have been going at it a little too intently – the day was planned out mentally without the usual list making and over planning for the time allowed.  The pertinent matters will be accomplished and there may even be time for a playground stop.  In other news, the big wooden garden swing at work (in a retirement community) has been reassembled and repositioned right outside my window.  Survived the maiden voyage yesterday, so this return to childhood diversion thing may just be what I have needed.  TAG - You’re it!

Secure Your Oxygen Mask Before Assisting Others

Post is late this week due to flying the coop from drizzle and cold to heat and sun.  It was during this escape that I discovered my topic for the week in, of all places, the air stewards demo at the beginning of every flight. 
We've all heard the phrase "Secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others," but how often to we adhere to this advice in life?  Not often enough.  Being quite literally at wit's end trying to be and do everything for everyone this week and just survive to the point where my holiday began was almost beyond my ability.  If I had stopped and adjusted my oxygen mask first, it would have been considerably more effective.
Hard to help someone else when you are a) struggling for air yourself b) succumbing to the effects of lack of oxygen or 3) dead.  Also hard to help when overtired, hungry, angry, lonely, stressed or unwilling to delgate or ask for help. Lesson learned.  The peckish are most often pecked.
As established many times prior in the last 29 years of our acquaintance, the Mr. and I do not always travel well.  Our Thanksgiving trip to Hawaii was not the idyllic local and family story one would think - but it is one of our most memorable.  Word to the wise - do NOT drive the road to Hana on a holiday when even the bathrooms are locked.  Whole nother story there...
Many of our family trips have twirled epically in the toilet of travel trivialities leading to minor torture.  No major mishaps, just mounting minor annoyances.
We have finally discovered the holy grail of travel together - copious amounts of adult beverage, loose agendas and lowered expectations.  When we apply all of these items liberally with warm weather, separate queen beds and time for individual activities, we have things to talk about over dinner.  Get enough rest and the frazzled nerves are often abated.
It has only taken 29 years to come up with this equation.  When we were travelling with kids the equation was - indoor heated pool, restaurant they recognized in walking distance of hotel and backup outfits for numerous wardrobe malfunctions.  Seemed we were always changing one or another child's clothing.
Adjusting your oxygen mask can range from adequate self-care - a nap, a bath, a sandwich - to checking to see if you have a vitamin or mineral deficiancy.  It can include knowing when to ask for and accept help with a problem or conflict that is affecting your sleep, stress level and mental status.  Your oygen mask can be a need for exercise, laughter, social contact, solitude or creative endeavors.  The first step is to take a step back and determine what your particular source of "oxygen" is at any given moment.
When the tedious details of life are getting you down, be sure to check your oxygen mask and adjust accordingly.  It may make a difference to those you are trying to assist between getting their mask to function and strangling them with it.

The Karmic Merry Go Round

The Karmic Merry-Go-Round

Karma is the theory that if one does good deeds; good will come back to you in kind.  Consequently, if you do evil; you get what you give.  Living with a latent Buddhist and a relaxed Taoist, it’s no surprise that my theory of life encompasses doing more good than evil in the world to keep the karmic scales in balance.  Finding a $20 bill in the parking lot and donating it to charity will do more good in the world, than using it to feast on wine and chocolates.  But if I’m full of wine and chocolates, my world outlook among the wingnuts of the world is vastly improved.   Why people who are inconsiderate, chronically late and just plain self-centered really rise my ire is a no-brainer… but that’s a whole nother story for another day.

While searching for a full-time job in 2013, I was intrigued by a post for a job as the front desk administrative assistant at a local funeral home.  After leaping the hoops and applying online, I decided to go the extra mile and hand-deliver a resume and cover letter to the location posting the ad.  I entered the stately reception area and met Rosie, the relief receptionist who was trying to cover all the bases until a suitable replacement was found.  She was polite, courteous and encouraged my efforts to make a personal contact.  

I later learned she sprinted my resume and credentials to the desk of the decision maker and said “WE are hiring this chick.  She can do the job and exhibits the impression we want – and I want to work with her.”  Enough said.  Weeks later Rosie (not her real name - but she'll appreciate that I used the name from an AC/DC song AND the maid on The Jetsons - but I digress) was my right hand as I learned the ropes of managing the air traffic control center known as the front desk of a funeral home.  More paperwork and fewer heebie-jeebies than one might think.  After seeing more deceased persons in my first six weeks than I had in my previous 40 years, it was like herding Muppets.  Plus they don’t complain much. 

Keeping the place from crashing and burning on a daily basis became our modus operandi and specialty on a daily basis.  Not without the help of other able coworkers, and not without the foibles of other said wingnuts.  We did everything from adjust floral displays, to plunge toilets, cleaned up after spoiled children THREW meatballs down the hallways during funeral receptions, set and reset chapel chairs until our arms gave out – we had it down to a 30 minute process.  Consistently tasks beyond the scope and depth of our job descriptions – which barely scratched the surface of our day to day service for clients, coworkers and the public.  When tempers flared, we were the first line of defense, and were rarely acknowledged or appreciated for taking the flak.

Further down the road, after handling the job for just over a year, I experienced physical symptoms consistent with PTSD.  Nausea, digestive complications, headaches, unexplained pain, anxiety, depression and sought to reduce my hours and seek medical intervention to alleviate the symptoms.  After a time, it became apparent that leaving the position was the best choice.  NOT surprisingly, I had a significant reduction in symptoms.  I also witnessed in others some of the same responses to continuous stress I had experienced.  When after a time, I landed a job with good management in a proactive company with a good purpose in life – keeping elderly persons able to age in place in a retirement community—I sought to bring my favorite former colleagues to a more favorable environment. 

When a clerical position opened, I mentioned my right hand gal, Rosie, to the manager and she was eager to meet her.  It became readily apparent she was over-qualified for the intended job, but could amply fill a position for which we currently had a challenging employee.  A truce was made, the employee decided it was in her best interest to leave and the job was posted.  Happy dance.  My endorsement was enough to give her credibility to be hired.

Rosie not only has skills that can handle the current job, but to alleviate some other areas where we need assistance.  Her motto of “See a need; fill a need” will be welcomed in this environment.  Her initiative will be rewarded and she will be challenged in good ways, not challenged to restrain her enthusiasm. The karmic wheel turns and I get Rosie just down the hall again.  A company that seeks to expand and invest in the quality of life for elders gets a team of superheroes to be reckoned with.  We leave our capes at home and wear sensible shoes, but we will be walking with a spring in our step as we lap the campus and renew our acquaintance.  My karma is getting a tune up and the future ahead looks... rosy. 

Speaking of karma, the Carpe the Heck out of the Diem! T-shirts are available until 2/14… order a dozen!  More interesting than roses!

Carpe the Heck Out of the Diem!

Somewhere in my impressionable youth, there was a trend to use Latin words in secondary education and I particularly grasped the Carpe Diem! “Seize the Day” as a personal favorite. 

A young friend recently had the opportunity to study abroad in Europe and posted that she was going to stay home and read instead of embarking on adventure.   I immediately took her to task and told her “You get a pass today.  However, if you do not take every opportunity while you are there to 'Carpe the Heck Out of the Diem!', we are going to have some trouble.”  From that day forward, it became her personal mantra.   

It’s now available in a t-shirt to fund another youngster’s adventure in the big wide world.  Hence, my whirligig of the week…

https://www.bonfirefunds.com/jpm-college-survival-fund      

     

The shirt sales will support Joe’s endeavor to support himself financially in CA – San Francisco or Los Angeles suburbs – after his graduation in May.  As you can well imagine, the quest to acquire housing, job, transportation and balance all on a meager income is going to test his creative problem solving skills to the max.  Mom’s thinking outside the box of ways to augment the effort.

Pardon the shameless self-promotion…  Can you imagine the inherent power of wearing such a shirt to the gym, the grocery store or yes, even to church or the senior center.  The spunky bit of attitude it would exhibit would kick up your street cred a few notches.  But that’s a whole nother story entirely.

I want the kid to apply this attitude to his search for work… to his drive to create memorable films… to his grocery shopping.. to his relationships… to asking someone for the opportunity to work with them on their movie… to “Why not do a Craigs List gig to afford my next big adventure?”

When does this attitude adjustment work?  I can’t think of anywhere in which it would NOT work. 

One great example is Travel – one time you want to check all the boxes: see, do, eat, experience and live to develop wonderful anecdotes. 

Going to the gym – if not today, then when?  

Starting a healthier habit or giving up an unhealthy one? 

Need a new phrase for birthday cards?  Here ya go!

Interacting with kids – what better way to introduce Latin words than in casual vernacular? 

The few times in life I have Carpe’d the Diem have been those for which I have absolutely no regrets.  Travelling to Australia solo – you bet! U2 tickets we had to hold on to for over a year? Worth it! Indoor skydiving when someone dropped out – I’m in!  The chance to Sand Board, Body Surf, Sea Kayak, get up at 3am to witness a sunrise on the east coast of the Pacific Ocean?   All over it.  Impulsive much?  Not by my primary nature, but I’m learning to embrace it more easily.

An over-planner by nature.  The times when I have swung by the seat of my pants, given in to impetuous decisions and done something adventurous on impulse have been some of the few times I have had NO REGRETS whatsoever.  The best example of this was while travelling with my tour group in Australia.

There was a change of plans due to a bus break down and we missed one of our side activity opportunities.  We had the opportunity to substitute an impromptu trip to some local water falls or a white water rafting trip on a local river.  I really wanted to do both, but needed to choose one since they occurred at the same time.  I figured the waterfalls would be the fiscally and physically responsible thing to do since I would have less chance of getting hurt.  The waterfalls were FABULOUS!  And something that very few tour groups ever make a priority to see.  Milla Milla Falls in QLD.  Check 'em out.

The rafters came back sunburned, wet, bruised and at one point the raft had flipped which would have freaked me out beyond belief as I’m not a strong swimmer.  The impulsive decision to do what was less exciting, cheaper and enable self-preservation proved not only to be personally rewarding, but enabled me to seize an unusual opportunity.  Even saw a wild cassowary that day – big like an emu and as mean as a croc. (Photos courtesy of Google).  Thankfully we encountered few other wild beasts that day.

Carpe the Heck out of the Diem!  It’s not just for breakfast anymore. Could apply to almost any opportunity, challenge or situation, and if you happen to decide to adopt it as your personal mantra… I know where you can get THE T-SHIRT!  The next shirt design and subsequent blog post may be about having No Regrets!