As a parent for over 20 years, there has been some pain, some challenges and some very amusing moments. Millions of life lessons acquired over the
course of a child’s lifetime. Probably
the most important was to surround myself with a bevvy of maternal wisdom to
weather the days when you can’t figure out whether to punish the kids or lock
yourself in the bathroom to preserve your sanity.
One pal subscribes to the parental
guidelines of a popular children’s book series in our kids' generation –
Harry Potter. Otherwise known as the
Molly Weasley theory of parenting… children must either be A. Safe in their
beds, or B. In MORTAL PERIL!! Which
works until late teens, when excessive bed occupancy becomes its own issue.
From the cadre of moms in my
peripheral cupboard of maternal wisdom come the following mantras:
DC: "A trip to the ER is not on the schedule." This
was and still is the family motto.
DS: "Don't call me
unless there's blood."
SA: We used to leave the house saying "Don't burn the house
down". Directed at one child in particular. (This child’s sibling is now in paramedic
training.)
SC: We had to be more specific. “No lighting anything on fire.”
DL: “Take the dog out in the yard with you, don't leave the
chain link fence or you’re going to be 40 living in someone's basement in
chains.” Fear factor works.
AJ: "No blood, no flood." "You may be brothers
now, but you'll be friends when you grow up. EG:
My emergence into adulthood at age 16 taught me these hard and fast rules. They’ve been proven often:
1. Cover your ass. 2.
Give a fool enough rope and they'll hang them self.
3. If you need help ask for it
(inherent in this is the ability to recognize when you are out of your depth,
so to speak, and humble enough to request assistance.)
4. whatever happens don't panic
(Freak outs are counter productive)
5. Sufficient unto the day are the
troubles therein.
Every time we left the house and
left the boys to their own devices, “No blood, no broken bones” was the primary
directive. To date – we’ve had neither,
knock wood.
For all the parenting platitudes and
advice books, it boils down to one thing.
Parenting is not for wimps. For no
other reason will people voluntarily be sleep-deprived for the first 3 years,
beaten and fatigued by endless romping for the next 5 years, financially
strained for the next 10 due to college planning and succumbing to every fad,
need, orthodontia and desire. Then there
is college and getting them launched into adulthood. You thought it ended at
18? Forgettaboudit. For the most part,
it can be boiled down to the chemistry rule – for every action there is an
equal and opposite reaction. If you
feed a child, it will poop. If you need to be somewhere in 15 minutes, it will
sleep. If you dress them up, someone
will find a mud puddle. If you have
plans, something with happen to totally foul them up if you have children. The
mantra? Go with the flow for everything
from feeding, sleeping, development, etc.
As a stay
at home mom for 12 years, nothing raised my fury faster than the question “Do
you work outside the home?” My standard answer was something much more diplomatic like "I stay very busy with all of our boys' activities. It's quite busy but fulfilling." When I really wanted to say, "I work 24/7
raising my kids and keeping them from doing insanely stupid things. I have conquered more challenges by 10am than
most people do all day. Can you
simultaneously change a diaper, tie a shoe and make a sandwich? I have mastered functioning amid major exhaustion
for the last 5 years; but it would be nice to converse with adults on a daily basis..."
When I went back to work after a 12
year “hiatus” I had a resume as full as my corporate pals from all the
volunteer opportunities with Scouts, church, preschool and family
management. Can I multi-task? Watch me entertain 10 cub scouts with just
the contents of my handbag.
Anyone who thinks being a stay at
home mom “must be so nice and relaxing” has no idea. It’s the only job where you are absolutely
convinced you are a complete failure on a daily basis. But there is no option to quit and look for
another opportunity. I always told
myself as long as they want good night hugs, we must be OK. Somewhere in the world is a therapist that my
boys will keep in gainful employment.
But that is a whole nother story.
Think that moms have no marketable
skills? You won’t find a better person
who will multi-task, think outside the box, research any topic and have five different sources by lunch time, be conscientious of the corporate budget
and work more efficiently to be able to get home to her family to keep it going
for another 5-6 hours. AND show up on time with panache and skill to do it all again each and every day.
Veteran moms will tell you that they
wouldn’t be sane or have survived the challenging years without many
resources. Good friends, good wine and good
prescriptions for anti-depressants being crucial for most. I
remember being at a dinner with my church mother’s support group. We were telling one new mom with kids 15
months apart that she might want to talk to her doctor about medication. She was aghast. In a show of solidarity, we each grabbed the
bottle in our purse and shook it like a baby rattle. By the next week, she was feeling MUCH
better!
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