One of my motivations behind taking an early retirement was the opportunity to spend more time doing fun things with my parents - now in their mid-70s. Making memories and hanging out as peers, before it becomes necessary to shift into a care giving role as their needs and progression of age dictates. Having a memorable anecdote to stir a memory in a mind plagued with dementia can make the difference between a mundane task and quality time reviewing the past while completing a bothersome task like taking medications or tending to skin issues.
This past weekend, mom celebrated the 53rd anniversary of her 21st b-day - Don't bother to with the math... It's not my forte. Taking my mom to the ocean is where her inner 5 year old emerges. She brings her kite, her brightest smile and checks the wind for the best angle to launch her kite and spirits aloft. Offering Mom an escape from the usual schedule with a beach trip was one I could offer with no qualms. It effectively worked its usual magic. We added daily morning mimosas in small orange juice containers and a good time was had by all.
Time spent at the beach - whether ocean, bay or lake side - has always been cathartic for me. Long ago, I developed the mantra that the waves come close to steal whatever is plaguing your mind, take it out to sea and smash it in the surf. Now that I practice yoga, the image of surf and kites riding swift breezes give me another dimension to escape to during my time of mindful practice.
We were also celebrating the long-awaited closing of the sale of our family home, which occurred during our beach trip. And we timed our trip to be able to tour a series of artist studios to see creativity in its natural habitat. How could one not create art when surrounded by beach scenery on a daily basis?
As usually happens when we travel together, anecdotes are shared and new ones develop. After birthday dinner at the casino, we were on our way out the door. My folks are NOT gamblers. They spent much of their lives together under a STRICT budget that left no room for trivialities. So, when Dad pulled out a $5 bill to take a slot machine for a spin, I was stunned. Even more so when he pushed MAX BET on his third roll. AND WON! The bonus animation started and I had to coach him through the steps of each level... he ended up with a three level bonus... for the uninitiated - that RARELY happens. He figured if he made $20 on his $5 investment, he was doing OK. When he ended up with significantly more than than - both he and mom were stunned. He cashed out his ticket and more instruction was required on the redemption... he wanted to take it to the cashier cage - of which there is no more; unless you win in the tens of thousands. Dad was a little disappointed that when he cashed out there was no cascade of quarters to catch in a bucket like in the OLD days. But still amused that he won on three rolls.
In my family, when there is down time and cocktails, there are board games. We played Scrabble - complete with "My rack is deplorable" jokes - "I hear no complaints from your better half..." "There's gotta be a vowel in that old bag." "Who are you calling an old bag?" We discerned the new rules to a new game - badly and made up our own to serve our purposes. I noticed that as the night got later and the cocktails more potent; the rules followed became fewer and fewer... hmm.
We had originally contemplated taking a 6yo nephew with us for the excursion, but decided that a reconnaissance mission was necessary first. We've determined that next year both nephews will be prime age for:
1) fetching crashed kites
2) sprinting up the stairs to unlock the hotel room door ahead of us - usu for a bathroom sprint...
3) fetching dropped items left behind
4) possibly learning to make a good cocktail,
5) provide good nap companions and
6) give us reason to try all the entertainment options we skipped this time - like bumper cars...
Now we have to decide which WA beach presents a better venue for that purpose.
Here's to more family quality time to make those precious memories! Cheers!
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
Thursday, August 1, 2019
Attitude Adjustment Hour
People often ask how we have adjusted to lake life and my favorite response is that it is like shifting to neutral to be here, but we don't often have or make time to enjoy those moments. This morning I'm taking my attitude adjustment hour to put heart, mind and body in neutral. To find where I am strong, weak, need care and just be - experiencing with each sense all that there is to absorb. I find the most bliss when the people with riding mowers fire them up and mow the back 40 because that generates a nap response in my brain that will not be ignored. So, overall, we've adjusted to everything BUT the smaller square footage and the myriad of stairs. We have 37 stairs top to bottom. You have to REALLY want to bring those groceries in and shop judiciously.
The air is mild and cool, the cup of tea is hot and fragrant, cat stalking the deck watching birds and ducks from a safe distance, the lake is calm and smooth, Mt. Rainier is obscured by clouds but I have faith it will show its majesty before the end of the day. Wind chimes tinkle, birds tweet, geese honk, ducks waddle to our door to receive their morning rations - they now let us within 3 feet of them if we are holding a large coffee cup of duck pellets. But they really prefer uncooked rice and frozen corn, truth be told. Further away, traffic sounds are beginning to intrude, but only if I let them.
The lake is often free of people, as there is no public access. Which keeps it quiet until late afternoon, when the apartment complex on the other side spills most of its teens and tweens onto the dock. We have a flock of 11 new goslings with 4 adults that watch over them, it's getting harder to tell the young from the mature geese now after several months. The goose sounds were annoying at first, during mating season, there are no quiet hours. Now that we've resided here through 3 seasons, and witnessed the changes there are aspects to look forward to with each season. In Fall, we have a better view of the mated pair of bald eagles in the tree stands to our east side and enjoy watching them glide and ride thermals. In winter, the birds really love that Dan still feeds them. In spring, new bunnies, ducklings and goslings emerge and I look forward to those above 60 degree days to brave the cold water on my calves to take a kayak trip. It takes 30-45 minutes to travel the length and width of the lake, noticing little changes in the 45 houses that surround it. Some McMansions, but mostly small former lake cabins that have been converted to residences. The last open lot was just sold recently and I'm anxious and dreading the changes to come with that acquisition.
Mr. M finds more peace just observing the lake from the deck and caring for the many little creatures who make their habitat at the lake. He's probably violating a HOA code of some kind, but the ducks are happy and that is all he cares about.
I find being on the water in a kayak to be a soul-satisfying experience. Drifting close to eye level with the water fowl, dangling fingers in the water to an occasional nibble by a curios fry - 2" fish. The water plants smell vaguely seaweedy but more earthy, like the dank smell of old life vests that haven't been rinsed after use. The smell that, with Brut after shave, reminds me of my grandfather. It's where I commune with the memory of lake fishing with my Grandpa Bud.
He would get irritated with me for not baiting with a hook, just tying a marshmallow to the end of my line. I wasn't there to CATCH fish, I was there for an afternoon of quality time and junk food in a boat with my Grandpa. He died when I was 14, so that was time well spent. Plus, if we actually caught fish, there would be no stop at KFC or for fish and chips dinner on the way home, I knew the drill, and how to play my cards right. As the oldest grandchild, and a girl, I had to assert my right to fish. And take math courses. Grandpa was old school "What do girls need to learn geometry for?"
A sunny day in a small boat with Grandpa, snacks and no expectations of a pre-teen girl, that was a win-win. Grandpa found second hand to convert for boating use - being an auto mechanic, he utilized leftover auto seats to improve the aluminum bench in the boat so we'd be comfy. Found an 8 track player and wired that into the small boat motor engine, so we could either have tunes or power; but not both simultaneously. My life vest neck cushion was too high, so he tacked it down with duct tape. I once got my gum stick in my hair, so he hacked it out with his keys... the list goes on.
Being on the lake is the time when I fill Grandpa in on the current exploits of Joe - who resembles him and Nick - who has his gentle demeanor, but not his misogyny. They would have enjoyed each other greatly. I tell him about the nephews' latest antics and once again we chat while out on the lake finding neutral in the fast-paced world. Some cultures have an altar to commune with ancestors, I have a lake.
The air is mild and cool, the cup of tea is hot and fragrant, cat stalking the deck watching birds and ducks from a safe distance, the lake is calm and smooth, Mt. Rainier is obscured by clouds but I have faith it will show its majesty before the end of the day. Wind chimes tinkle, birds tweet, geese honk, ducks waddle to our door to receive their morning rations - they now let us within 3 feet of them if we are holding a large coffee cup of duck pellets. But they really prefer uncooked rice and frozen corn, truth be told. Further away, traffic sounds are beginning to intrude, but only if I let them.
The lake is often free of people, as there is no public access. Which keeps it quiet until late afternoon, when the apartment complex on the other side spills most of its teens and tweens onto the dock. We have a flock of 11 new goslings with 4 adults that watch over them, it's getting harder to tell the young from the mature geese now after several months. The goose sounds were annoying at first, during mating season, there are no quiet hours. Now that we've resided here through 3 seasons, and witnessed the changes there are aspects to look forward to with each season. In Fall, we have a better view of the mated pair of bald eagles in the tree stands to our east side and enjoy watching them glide and ride thermals. In winter, the birds really love that Dan still feeds them. In spring, new bunnies, ducklings and goslings emerge and I look forward to those above 60 degree days to brave the cold water on my calves to take a kayak trip. It takes 30-45 minutes to travel the length and width of the lake, noticing little changes in the 45 houses that surround it. Some McMansions, but mostly small former lake cabins that have been converted to residences. The last open lot was just sold recently and I'm anxious and dreading the changes to come with that acquisition.
Mr. M finds more peace just observing the lake from the deck and caring for the many little creatures who make their habitat at the lake. He's probably violating a HOA code of some kind, but the ducks are happy and that is all he cares about.
I find being on the water in a kayak to be a soul-satisfying experience. Drifting close to eye level with the water fowl, dangling fingers in the water to an occasional nibble by a curios fry - 2" fish. The water plants smell vaguely seaweedy but more earthy, like the dank smell of old life vests that haven't been rinsed after use. The smell that, with Brut after shave, reminds me of my grandfather. It's where I commune with the memory of lake fishing with my Grandpa Bud.
He would get irritated with me for not baiting with a hook, just tying a marshmallow to the end of my line. I wasn't there to CATCH fish, I was there for an afternoon of quality time and junk food in a boat with my Grandpa. He died when I was 14, so that was time well spent. Plus, if we actually caught fish, there would be no stop at KFC or for fish and chips dinner on the way home, I knew the drill, and how to play my cards right. As the oldest grandchild, and a girl, I had to assert my right to fish. And take math courses. Grandpa was old school "What do girls need to learn geometry for?"
A sunny day in a small boat with Grandpa, snacks and no expectations of a pre-teen girl, that was a win-win. Grandpa found second hand to convert for boating use - being an auto mechanic, he utilized leftover auto seats to improve the aluminum bench in the boat so we'd be comfy. Found an 8 track player and wired that into the small boat motor engine, so we could either have tunes or power; but not both simultaneously. My life vest neck cushion was too high, so he tacked it down with duct tape. I once got my gum stick in my hair, so he hacked it out with his keys... the list goes on.
Being on the lake is the time when I fill Grandpa in on the current exploits of Joe - who resembles him and Nick - who has his gentle demeanor, but not his misogyny. They would have enjoyed each other greatly. I tell him about the nephews' latest antics and once again we chat while out on the lake finding neutral in the fast-paced world. Some cultures have an altar to commune with ancestors, I have a lake.
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